Disconnection

So, I've been away from dispatching for around 3 weeks. So far, it's been.. difficult. I hear sirens, see a patrol unit running code, drive by one of my old coworkers, and all I can do is hope, wonder, and feel a little more disconnected I miss running 27's, 29's, 28's, 43's. I miss saying "911, what is your emergency?," not knowing what could await me on the other end. I miss dispatching ambulances and deputies, being in on the action and having that feeling of accomplishment. I miss it all.

A few days ago, I went to lunch with a coworker from Campus PD. His name is Aaron. He's a freshman, and has been a great person to get to know. We walked into Pizza Hut and, low and behold, there are two of my ex-deputies sitting there. "Daniel!" they both exclaimed, happy to see me. I went over, shook hands, and caught up with them a little bit. We asked one another how things were going, mulling through the usual stuff. Then I said "How are things in dispatch?" One of them plainly said "It's different. It's not the same without you." Enter guilty jerkwad feeling.. Just what I needed, another reason for me to miss my job.

I'm not trying to gloat, nor am I saying I am the best dispatcher in the world, by far!, but I was good at what I did in that comm center. And nothing pains me more than to hear that things are simply "different." I'm slowly moving on, still reading license plates in my head on my commute, and longing for my spot back under the headset.

Dispatchers, I've come to find that the profession I was in was the worst job I would ever love. It was what I had always wanted. Sometimes, I feel like I sold myself short by quitting my job and going back to school. Yet, on the other hand, I feel like I screwed myself by getting into the business too soon. I probably never should have taken the job in the first place. I'm tempted, but cautious, to say that this job is quite like a drug.. It's addictive, will cause withdraws, yet is oh so satisfying once you get the fix..